Another Open Letter

In the summer of 1985 I had one of my first real jobs as a Whopper Flopper at Burger King. Much to my parents disappointment, I spent my entire first paycheck (minus my tithe) on a pair of Guess jeans with the zippers at the ankles. I think they cost $50. My parents were certainly not going to buy those for me at that ridiculous price. They thought I was foolish to buy them. But those jeans and I had some good times in high school. I just knew I looked so hot in them. Did I mention I barely weighed 100 pounds sopping wet in high school so "hot" was probably not the first word that came to most people's minds when they saw me. "Stick"? Yes. "Hot"? No.

Fast forward 25 years.

Dear GAP,

I realize everyone loves you. I realize you appeal to kids and teenagers and soccer moms who still want to be teenagers. People have been wearing your G A P letters on shirts and hats for years now.

But seriously? Do you really think I would pay $79.50 for jeans with holes in them? I know there was a time I paid $50 for jeans with zippers but I was young and foolish. Holes? Already in the jeans? Before I've even worn them? I think not.

Sure, you try to call them fancy names like "destructed"*...

...and "Patch and Repair"*...

and even "patch jeans"*.

But I'm not buying it. And for $79.50, I'm wondering if you actually want to sell jeans or just watch them sit on your shelves.

You know, sometimes, even with all its big hair, cheesy music and even cheesier movies, I miss the preppy 80's. At least my Guess jeans with zippers at the ankles were classy. Especially when paired with an oversized oxford shirt and big belt.

So GAP, fire your fashion consultants and get rid of the holey jeans. They just aren't working for you or 99.9% of the rest of the people that shop at your store.

Thank you for your time.

*These are real pictures from GAP's current new line of jeans for women.